Recently, I agreed to record a podcast episode with my roommate, James. The topic was how we can live together as exes. I had so much to say, but as soon as the recording started, I clammed up.
Thanks, Stage Fright.
James and I were engaged. It didn’t work out, obviously. We didn’t speak for a couple a years. We found our way back to friendship. Now, we’re roommates.
Say what?!
Outside Person
I live with someone I once wanted to marry. And it works.
How???
Outside Person
I like to think of our house as a living representation of “It takes a Village”. While that’s normally said about raising children, I extend it to all aspects of life: happiness, peace, joy, love, learning, growth, success. It takes a Village. We make choices for ourselves. We drive our own lives forward. We do the work we have to do to get where we need to go. But, we do it better with the support and love of our Village.
The thing that made James and I a thing, initially, was friendship. We enjoy some of the same things. [Misfits] [BTNH] Our senses of humor align. We work and co-work well together. Some of our peculiarities can coexist. Living together is cool. Imagine a grumpy old man and a weird old lady who act like siblings living together with a teenager and a dog. That’s this house. It might not make sense, but it works. We are part of each others Village.
What about sexual tension?
Outside Person
There is none.
This question annoys me. I’m trying really hard not to rant and rave.
In short, we don’t want to have sex. We are not having sex. We talked about it. We were clear about it. That’s that. Not complicated.
You’re so mature. I can’t do it.
Another Outside Person
You’re admitting to being immature?
*sighs*
We aren’t more mature. Truthfully, individually and together, we are probably two horribly, petty people. Chill.
This isn’t something I’d do with all my exes. I’m not even friends with all my exes. I outwardly and clearly dislike some of my exes.
Also, no one expects you to do it. This isn’t about you nor an expectation that you will change the way you handle relationships in your life. This is just what works for the people involved in this relationship.
Remember kids, relationships are not one size fits all. With so many sizes and shapes to choose from, the possibilities are ENDLESS!
What if he wants to date other women?
Outside People ask a lot of questions
What if he does?
Sincerely, I hope she’s funny, smart, witty, dog friendly, and a bit weird. That way, when she visits him, we can hang out when he spends way too long in the bathroom because he’s easily distracted and probably taking selfies of himself in the mirror.
Duh.
I don’t think this is what folks wanted when they asked me to express my opinion. Maybe I’ll talk about love and relationships in depth in another post.